I love you, but DON'T TOUCH ME!

I sit in my sofa chair all day watching Jersey Shore - No Judging!

I nurse my three week old son as I sit, or just hold him in my arms as he falls asleep between feedings. I feel his little head sweating in the nook of my arm, and I move him from one arm to the other with the smoothest of movements that it would make James Bond jealous of how sly I was.  I wipe down the sweat on my arm his little head left on me.

My husband walks through the door; I'm relieved to see him.  He walks toward me to kiss my head and I lean away.

Why?

I'm not angry with him, quite the opposite.  I'm excited for him to take the baby so I can finally make a sandwich and go pee.

As he takes the baby from my arms, he tries to kiss me again.  I turn my head and start walking down the hallway.

What the hell is wrong with me?!  I love him, I know I love him...well, at least I think I do.  I'm so tired and I don't know if I feel anything else. He says nothing, he doesn't try again.  We go about our day.

It took me about a year and half later to look back at that early postpartum period and realize the reason for my behavior.  For turning away each time my husband tried to show his affection in the most innocent of ways.  I was touched out. Touched out. 

I would hold my baby about 99% of the time (maybe not quite that much, but you get the picture), and by the time my husband cam home I was done with being touched.  I wanted my own 

---

At my in-laws, nursing my 5 day old baby on Christmas.

space and to be left alone; the thought of family and friends hugging me made my stomach queasy. 

Eventually I was better. It took some time.  I even went to my husband for a hug, and a smooch.

But it's okay to be touched out.  As new moms, we experience a whole new set of feelings and if touch is one that is too much, it's okay to take a break.  Maybe be better than me and just tell your partner "I'm touched out, but I love you." It will help name the emotion/action, and help your partner through the transition as well.

Alexia